No Really, How Are You?
Finding the balance between caregiving and self-giving can be challenging as holistic nurses, but it may be the key to preventing burnout.
When someone asks, "How are you?" do you respond with a reflexive “Good!” accompanied by an upbeat tone, even if that’s not the whole truth? This social norm often masks deeper realities. As holistic nurses, you manage the emotional weight of your own well-being while tending to the needs of others. What if you’re seen starting to fall apart? Will it change how others perceive you or affect your role?
The Phenomenon of Restraint Collapse
In my work with clients, particularly those dealing with PTSD, I frequently observe a phenomenon called "Restraint Collapse." This occurs when the immense effort to maintain composure, regulate their internal emotions while navigating their daily stressors becomes so overwhelming that the nervous system eventually breaks down. It’s akin to winding a spring too tightly; it can only hold so much pressure before it unravels.
Our nervous systems are dynamic, capable of winding and unwinding like a spring. Under constant pressure, we’re winding ourselves up, and eventually, we might experience a collapse. As nurses in sometimes high-stress environments, we sometimes have to CONTAIN ourselves and keep it together for someone else’s sake. Recognizing this process helps us understand that it’s okay to let go and fall apart at times. These moments of vulnerability are not weaknesses but can be sources of profound strength and growth.
Embracing Our Humanity
Holding it together and falling apart don’t need to be rigid extremes we endure. Sometimes it starts with really asking ourselves and authentically answering: “How am I?” Embracing our humanity means accepting our vulnerabilities and acknowledging that it’s okay to not have everything together all the time. These moments can lead to deeper self-awareness and resilience.
Navigating Our Emotional Landscapes
Interception—the ability to sense and understand our internal states—is key to navigating our emotional landscapes. By tuning into our emotions, we can better manage our responses and find strength in our vulnerabilities. Authentic conversations about our true feelings allow us to connect more deeply with ourselves and others. To gain more interception, I invite you to try this exercise in a quiet, safe and undisturbed space:
What do I notice in my body? Notice what is happening in your body without any judgement
Name any emotions that may come up: “I feel__________”
Normalize your reaction. By normalizing, we make space for our tolerance of our experience. Avoid minimizing, shaming or catastrophizing, as this can amplify what is already a difficult experience for us. If this is difficult for you, imagine a good friend or loved one saying, “You’re struggling because this is hard.”
Nurture yourself with self-care. Take a few deep breaths. Reach out to a trusted friend. Take a bath. Do the things that will help you emotionally support yourself.
Caregiving vs. Self-giving
Our caregiving roles often overshadows self-care and self-giving, leading to a critical imbalance. As holistic nurses, prioritizing self-care is essential because it affirms that we, too, are important. This deliberate focus on our own well-being creates the space necessary to recharge and maintain our resilience. By ensuring we nurture ourselves, we enhance our capacity to meet the demands of our profession effectively, ultimately fostering a more sustainable and fulfilling approach to both our personal and professional lives.
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If you’re ready to explore these concepts further, join us at the Natural Nurse Summit on October 12. This event will offer a space for genuine connection, self-reflection, and practical strategies to navigate and embrace your vulnerabilities. Reserve your spot today and take a step towards a more balanced and authentic approach to your holistic practice.